My Revelation

Tonight I took my 7-months-pregnant self into Goodwill to look for some picture frames. I stopped over in the PJ section because I've been wanting a new bathrobe for a long time, and the things are so stinking expensive that I can't bring myself to buy one new. The one I have I've had forever and it's starting to look pretty awful. Anyways, tonight was my lucky night. I found a like-new very very soft and cuddly bathrobe from

It looks like this, only it's red-

Then I went to the gym....and Starbucks on the way home 'cause it was ever so slightly chilly (not chilly enough to wear even a hoodie, but this is Fresno, after all), and a pumpkin spice latte sounded really good. Anyways, I went home, took my shower, and put on my brand new (to me) bathrobe, looked in the mirror and realized that I looked like this-

The end.

To be like a 2-year-old

Over breakfast this morning we had a few interesting things happen that I thought would make a good blog post, so, here I am.

Noah has had a slight addiction to Cocoa Crispies lately. Well, the cheapo kind that comes in a bag, but "you can't tell the difference," right? Well, at least that's what all cheap mothers say. :) Anyways, he's learning to use silverware, and one of the things he can eat by himself is cereal. It's messy, and we have to change his shirt afterwards, but he's gotta learn somehow. He was eating away, and I realized that he was eating with his left hand. That's not really a shocker, he does lots of stuff with his left hand, but I wanted to "test" him. While he was taking a drink, I flipped the stem of the spoon to the right side. Sure enough, he grabbed the spoon with his right hand and kept eating. He's not quite as controlled with his right hand, but it's pretty close. So, who knows, we might have a lefty, or he might be one of the lucky ones that are ambidextrous. How cool would that be? He'd never have to worry which arm he broke. :)

He keeps eating his beloved cereal, and the cat comes over to snoop around. She typically waits around until he finishes his cereal, and then she always begs for the little bit of leftover milk in the bottom of the bowl. Noah got a spoon full of his cereal, and tried to feed her some of his cereal. :) He's such a good share-er. Well, at least until he has a little brother that wants all his stuff.

The third thing he did this morning made me think "if only we could all be like you." We've got these 2 flies that have been flying around the apartment for the last few days. I'm pretty sure they're ninjas- they never fail to get away from the fly-swatter, and the spray stuff doesn't seem to phase them. It's very frustrating. All that to say that these two flies were buzzing around Noah's head this morning while he was eating. Whenever one would land on his head, which was about every 5 seconds, I'd reach over and swing my hand near his head to get it to go away. He thinks this is just hilarious. Wanna know what's even funnier? When it lands on his ear and he can feel it moving around. I would go insane if they did that to me. Noah on the other hand, just enjoys it. If only I could be more like my 2-year-old. Well, almost 2-year-old.

All tea should be served equally!

Click on the picture to see it full sized.

Notice the clarification on sweet tea being "iced tea which is sweetened with sugar at the time that it is brewed." Down with the snow-globe tea! This just about made my day when my father-in-law sent this to me. It's a ridiculous law but I can't say I disagree. It should just be common sense. :) So, you think we could pass this in CA? I know, I know...wishful thinking.

Two for the price of one

Today there's 2 mini rants. Lucky you.

I went to Toys R Us with Noah to spend the rest of his birthday money. I wanted to get him some big ol' honkin' blocks and a push toy to help him with his walking. Classic kids toys, right? So, I went looking for the block section. You would THINK that they would put all of the similar toys together, right?! NO! Of course not! That would be too much like all the rest of the stores do it. We couldn't have that. That would make it much too easy for parents lugging around their kids around with them. No, they have everything sorted out by BRAND. So, if you don't know what brand the toy is that you're looking for, you're completely screwed. I went up and down the aisles looking for the blocks I wanted. First I tried the educational toys. I didn't find them there, but I DID find some with the arts and crafts. Makes perfect sense. Too bad those weren't the blocks I wanted. So we went up and down some more aisles. After about 15 minutes of this, I tried the Lego aisle in the "big kids" section, and behold, there they were! Of course! Why wouldn't I have thought to look with all the Lego sets first!? After all, blocks for a toddler should be with all the Lego's for 10+ or whatever the ages on those things are.

After we finally found the blocks, we went in search of the walker. I remembered from my previous trip to Toys R Us that all the big outside toys were in the back corner of the store, so that's where we headed. Yep, I found them. Too bad they were the $60 walkers instead of the $20 walker that I wanted. I had previously checked the website to make sure that this particular location had the one I wanted in stock, and now I couldn't find it. Oh, but wait, this is Toys R Us we're talking about. They wouldn't have all the walkers in one place. That would be too logical. No. Some of the walkers, the expensive ones, are in the back, all together, no matter what brand they are. The cheap walkers are sorted out by BRAND over with all the other baby toys. What is WRONG with them!? Why can't they stick to one lousy system? Either have everything sorted out by brand, or by toys. You can't have both. Or at least, you SHOULDN'T have both. So, after 40 minutes of wandering around Toys R Us, we got what we came for- blocks, and a walker. I'm not bitter at all.

Fog

So this time of year there's a lot of fog in Fresno and I frequently see on the news that there's a fog warning and "visibility is only 2 miles." Why does anyone need to be able to see that far? "Woops, I wouldn't have rear ended him if I would have been able to see for more than 2 miles." *rolls eyes*

Politically correct childrens songs

Every night Noah and I have a routine. Well, actually, we have a routine for the entire day, but this story really only applies to the bedtime routine.

I give him his bath, and then I feed him in his room, while singing to him, before he goes to bed.

A few nights ago I was singing "Jesus Loves the Little Children," and I thought, "wow, this is really politically incorrect." So I thought I'd write the politically correct version of it. It would go something like this-

A higher being has a non-sexual agape feeling for the young people

All the young people of the world

Indian, Asian, African-American, and caucasion,

They are precious in his visual abilities

A higher being has a non-sexual agape feeling for the young people of the world

12 Ways to Know You Might Be a Mommy

Most of these have to do with being to a mommy to a baby specifically, but parents of older kids probably still remember what I'm talking about.

You might be a mommy if...

...you know that car seats have expiration dates.

...most of your reading material is printed on cardboard.

...after being thrown up on, you clean up the baby before you clean up yourself.

...you find yourself swaying....when the baby is nowhere around.

...you know that there are more than one size of pacifier.

...you get excited when diapers are on sale.

...you own miniature hangers.

...you name stuffed animals regularly. (Ok, so that one might just be me.)

...you talk about yourself in the third person....several times a day. (Momma's gonna get you!)

...you know what the ratio of formula to water is without even thinking about it.

...you plan your alcohol consumption well in advance.

...your dates are based around someone else's schedule....your babysitter's.

American Idol. Again.

Group Song

They should all stop dancing. Now.

American Idol Commentary

Kai Kalama

I want to set something on his head.

Jasmine Murray

Where's the other half of her forehead?

Jesse Langseth

Found it!

(Credit for the last one goes to my husband, Josh. Ain't 'e funny? Hehe)

Plane tickets

I was online buying plane tickets for our next trip back to GA and since we'll have a 6 month old baby, I was looking at the options for "special services." I thought that maybe a baby would fit into this catagory and I could request which section of the plane we sat in. Turns out that's not the case. I did find something else I thought was interesting. Stretcher assistance. Yeah, apparently there are people who know in advance that they need this service. "Uh, yeah, I think I may be severely maimed at some point on this trip and might need some assistance with my stretcher." Really?

Just for fun

How to Give Your Pet Rock a Bath

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

There are lots of ways to keep your rock clean and tidy, but this is one of the best methods.

Steps

1. First, get something like a bowl, or sink to bathe your rock.
   
2. Get a bottle of shampoo and put on a small dot of shampoo on only one side. Then rub, and repeat on the other side.
   
3. Rinse!! To really get that sparkle on your rock, put on an extra blob of shampoo and scrub the rock really hard in your hands, then rinse. Scrub like you were actually washing your hands.
   
4. Then wrap up your rock in either a napkin or a small towel, it doesn't matter.
   
5. Congrats, you now have a healthier cleaner rock!
   

Tips

• Rough skinned rocks will need more cleaning and attention to cleaning because there will be more cracks and crevices for dirt to get into.
  
• Make sure you have warm water in the bowl!
  

Warnings

• Don't use water that is to hot! You can burn your dear rock and yourself!
  

Things You'll Need

• Warm water
  
• Bowl
  
• Towel/napkin
  
• Shampoo
  

My pudding

Now made with fresh cream?

This is an improvement?

What was it made with before?

Noah's week, and Top 3 Creepy People

Noah started to roll over today. The day after he turned a whole three months old. My little boy is growing up so fast. *sniff sniff* He also got a Johnny Jump-Up last weekend. The box says four months and up, but he's been standing up, while being held of course, since he was about a month old, and lately he's been trying to jump, so I thought we'd give it a try. As of now, he hasn't quite figured out that

he's supposed to jump while he's in it....he just kinda spins, but he has fun anyway. I think he likes being able to do something that Mommy doesn't have to help him with.

He's also started to sleep at least eight hours during the night without waking up, so that's been especially nice for me and Josh. Noah has had quite the developmental week this week.

Last night I was up feeding Noah and for some reason started thinking about all the strange and creepy people that seem to gravitate towards me, and I thought I'd share.

The Top 3 Strange Creeps

My last three jobs have been working in coffee shops. I started at Starbucks in 2006, left in 2007 for a small family owned coffee shop, with a manual bar, I might add, and then after moving to Fresno went back to Starbucks at the beginning of 2008. I have come across at least one creepy person at all three places.

First, I have an honorable mention. I've noticed that three of the four characters I'm mentioning wear just one dangly earring. This must be a creepy person thing. This is definitely true of my honorable mention.

Honorable Mention- Captain Jack Sparrow

I don't know his name, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't use it. This is the only CA creepy person on the list. I think he pretty much embodies what people on the East Coast think of CA when they think of people here- A bongo-playing hippie who eats granola and drinks soy....and wears a single dangly earring. Kinda reminds me of Johnny Depp's character in Pirates of the Carribian. Not only did he wear the single earring, but offers to make ONE for others as well. Maybe if there were TWO earrings more people would take him up on his oh-so-tempting offer. I never really had any exceptionally strange encouters with this person until he found out I was pregnant with Noah. He decided to tell the future for me and my unborn child. Apparently there was going to be a problem with the baby, but it was all going to turn out all right in the end. He said I was going to have a boy. He happened to be right on that one, but he had a 50/50 chance, so I'm not impressed. On and on he went predicting things that were either way, way off, or things that were likely to happen to anyone. Like morning sickness. He must be the real deal.

#3- Odessa

Just the name "Odessa" gives you a pretty good mental image

of this person. I first met her when she came to apply for a job. She showed up on a bike, and after walking slowly around the building and walking through the drive-through several times she decided the building was good enough for her to come in. She asked for a cup of water. Then went back outside to walk around the building again and then into the bathroom. I have no idea what she was doing in there, but she came back in several minutes later to get an application. Guess the bathroom was the deciding factor in whether or not she wanted to work there.

Her dangly earring was the creepiest of them all. It was a hand. Just one, long, skinny hand hanging from her ear. Apparently it was there for some sort of protection. She was 29 years old and looked like she was 12. She kinda looked like Mr. Tumnus. She was an artist. Her pants were always too short and she wore the strangest socks I've ever seen, and would offer to buy others the same socks so that they could match at work. She carried around her purse which was a teddy bear and she would sit, stare off into space, and randomly stroke the thing. She had lots and lots of pets. She asked me how my uterus was. My uterus seems to be a popular topic as you will soon find out.

#2- Craig

In my experience anyone named "Craig" is usually just a little strange. I met Craig my first day at Starbucks. He had long stringy, obviously colored black hair. He was a regular, and the pickiest customer I have ever had. He ordered a quad venti organic 180 degree no-foam latte. If there was a single bubble on top of his latte he would either insist that you give him his latte for free, or make you remake the entire drink. Just scooping the bubble off was not good enough. Craig also had a dangly earring. I think it was a dream catcher.

He noticed I was new, wanted to know my name, and then proceded to ask me if I had ever heard of Daryl Hannah. Hasn't everyone heard of Daryl Hannah? He then asked me if I had seen her in "the stripper movie" and then went on to tell me all the details of it. What would possess a person to talk to someone whom they've never met before about the details of stripping? Over the next few weeks he asked reptitively if I had seen it yet. Ick.

Later on he would probe about the details of my life, and tell me why he thought that me being married was such a horrible thing. I think one of the most inappropriate things he ever asked was if I was on The Pill or not. This however, does not even come close to the inappropriatness of my #1.

#1 Creepy Guy

I never found out this guy's name, I just always called him Creepy Guy. Not to his face of course. I avoided saying anything to his face.

At the time, I worked at the little famiy-owned coffee shop. The way this place worked was that the opener would arrive at 5am, alone and unprotected, get everything ready, and then open the place at 5:30am. The second employee would show up at 6am to help. Creepy Guy always showed up at 5:30am- When I was there by myself. Creepy guy was probably in his 50's, had shoulder length grey hair, but was bald on top, and typically wore it in a ponytail; A high ponytail, not a low ponytail like most men do. The first day he just wanted to know my name, and a little bit about me. Not too creepy. I thought maybe the strange-looking guy was just being friendly. A few days later he noticed my wedding ring.

"You married?"

"Yes"

"How long?"

"Year and a half."

"Oh, ok."

Slighty strange, but didn't freak me out yet. A few days later he was back.

"Have kids?"

"No, not yet."

"Why not."

"We just haven't had kids yet."

He then proceeded to give me a full body look over.

"Well, I know these things, and that belly is ready to have a kid in it."

I was stunned.

Two days later he was back.

"Pregnant yet?"

"No."

"Why not."

"I'm just not."

"Oh, ok."

At this point I did everything I could to avoid him, but when I was the only one there, there's not very much I can do except to try to have his drink ready for him before he even walked in the store to try to minimize the time he was actually in the building. Next visit-

"Pregnant yet?"

"No."

"Well, you're still married, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where to find your husband?"

"Yes."

"So then, what's the problem?"

Next day-

"Pregnant yet?"

"NO."

"You're married?"

"YES."

"And you know where to find your husband?"

"YES."

This went on for several months. Then one day, I was pregnant.

"Pregnant yet?"

"Yes, 2 months."

"Oh."

And that was the end of it. No congratulations, no nothing, just an "oh." That is the creepiest person I have ever met in my life.

Satellite Dishes and the top 10 Things I Miss About Atlanta

Yesterday I noticed that a button on Josh's pants was shaped very much like a miniature satellite dish. I thought that all it needed was the Dish Network logo. I took care of that. So, I thought I'd share.

Also, as I was playing with Noah today, for some reason I started thinking about our trip back to Georgia that we made for Christmas and all the things that I realized I missed since moving here. So, once again, I thought I'd enlighten you all to the goings on in my mind.

10 Things I Miss About Atlanta

#10- Stop Lights on Wires

What is more exciting than sitting at an intersection at a stop light before a storm and watching the light itself danging around on a wire being blown around by the wind. The thought actually crosses your mind that it's very possible that this light might just fall right there in front of your car making for an excellent story to tell later. Here in Fresno, the lights are fastened very securely to poles. Now where is the fun in that?

#9 School Zones

In Atlanta they have school zone speed limit signs set up with lights on them. If the lights are flashing, you go the reduced speed. If the lights are off, you can keep going the normal speed. Here in Fresno, they apparently haven't ever heard of this concept. Here, the speed limit signs in the school zones just say "35 when children are present." No lights, not even a "between 7am-9am." First of all, I don't think the highschoolers appreciate this because they don't want anyone to think of them as children. More importantly, it isn't clear about when you can go 50mph, and when you have to go 35mph. What if there are kids at recess on the other side of the fence? Do you have to go 35mph then? Or what about at 5pm after school is out and there's one lonely kid walking on the sidewalk on their way to Granny's house? They really should be more specific.

#8- Lines AND Crosswalks

Here in Fresno there are no markings on the road for where you're supposed to stop when you come to a stoplight. There's just a cross walk. Some people, like my husband for example, are impatient when it comes to stoplights and just want to trip the sensor so that the light will change as soon as possible. In Atlanta, there would always be a line for where you should stop and where the sensor is and then past that, there would be the crosswalk. No one here in Fresno seems to have thought of this brilliant idea. They just have the crosswalk. The best part is, that the cops have been known to give tickets for having the front of your car blocking the crosswalk just a teeny tiny bit. If they would just put the lines on the roads, we'd be able to eliminate the problem of the crosswalk blocking.

#7- Highway signs

Let's say Josh and I are going out of town during lunch time. We're hungry, and woops, we don't have our GPS. We want to eat at Burger King. How are we going to know which exit to get off on to eat at a Burger King? You see, in Atlanta, we would know because there are signs before all the exits saying what fast food places are near the off ramp. It's an ingenious idea. Fresno should try it.

#6- Chicken

This is something Josh and I really miss about Atlanta. Chicken. Well, at least good chicken. See, in Atlanta there are two somewhat cheap restaurant chains that have very good chicken. Given, one of them, Chick-fil-a is starting to come out to CA. We recently got one here in Fresno, but there's only one. In Atlanta, you can't throw a

dead cat without hitting a Chick-fil-a. I haven't actually tried the flinging of the felines, but I'm pretty sure that it's an accurate assumption.

The other restaurant that hasn't yet made it's way to

CA is Zaxby's. It's amazing. When we were back in Atlanta for Christmas I think we ate there about every other day trying to get our Zaxby's fix. There is nothing like the Zax Snacks and Zax Sauce

#5- Curvy Roads

Here in Fresno, and the West in general, the roads are very

grid like. There are no surprises. Nothing. It's very boring. In Atlanta, and the East in general, the roads are curvy. You never know exactly which direction you're going and even if you do, you won't be going that same direction for very long. It's full of surprises. There are rarely times when you can sit at a light on the crosswalk and see the next intersection directly in front of you.

#4- Trees

Atlanta has a surplus of trees growing naturally. Fresno has much fewer trees which grow in rows. Trees are not supposed to be organized.

#3- Waffle House

Waffle House really doesn't have great food; it's just a staple of the South. They're everywhere. Remember the cat throwing? You

wouldn't even have to throw the cat to hit a Waffle House.

Just swing it in a large arc, and I think you'd hit a few of them.

#2- Gas Stations

Not all gas stations are created equal. In Atlanta, there are good gas stations. Nice gas stations. Even gas stations that are pleasant. The nice gas stations in Atlanta, Quick Trip, BP, and RaceTrack, not only have extra cheap gas, but are filled with wonderful things like milkshakes (thin, thick or extra thick), and several flavors of hot chocolate and cappochinos. Let's not forget the taquitos, hotdogs, and sandwiches. You can go into gas stations there and not feel like you have to be prepared to hit the floor when the gunman walks in. It's a nice feeling.

#1- Sweet Tea

Here in CA if I order a sweet tea I get a spoon, and usually get pointed to the sugar packets on the table. The exception is McDonalds, but their tea is beyond sweet. It is almost like a liquid tea-flavored jelly bean. It's still the closet thing there is to actual sweet tea in Fresno, so I've been known to drink it. You see, to make sweet tea, you have to put sugar in it while it's still HOT. This way, the sugar actually dissolves and doesn't just spin around in the glass doing its best imitation of a snow globe. I don't think it's that hard to do. In fact, I know it's not that hard to do. I do it every couple days myself and it takes a whopping 20 minutes to make. Including boiling the water, and steeping the tea bags. Is sweetened tea really too much to ask for? It's cold, refreshing, has anti-oxidants, and you have the option to have it with lemon or not. Why can't Californians understand this?

The outside world

So this blog is pretty much a way of fooling myself into thinking I have some sort of contact with the outside world. My typical days usually consist of feeding the baby, playing with him, and then putting him to bed so that I can get some housework done. I figure that this is a way I can at least write down some of the thoughts that go through this strange head of mine.

I was using Google Chrome to make this blogger account. One would think that since blogger is in cahoots with Google, and Chrome is made by Google, that blogger.com would work in Chrome. NOPE! The little box that you're supposed to check to accept the terms and conditions just doesn't show up in Chrome. It's not there. Nowhere to be found. So, apparently Chrome doesn't want anyone to have a blog. See for yourself.