William's Walking!

A Downer.

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of the day we lost our first baby. I was ten weeks along or so, and we were in Wichita, KS for a job interview. I think I'd be perfectly fine if I never had to set foot in Wichita again. I still think often about what our baby would have been like. For some reason, I've always thought it was a girl. That might be part of the reason I have a hard time thinking of naming a future baby girl the same name we had picked out for if our first if it were a girll. Logically, that doesn't make sense, but I guess I'm not always as logical as I think I am.

The feeling I remember the most was emptiness....and the feeling of not knowing. There's very little I hate more than not knowing whats going to happen. It had taken us a long time to get pregnant the first time, and I worried that even if I were able to get pregnant again, that I would be unable to sustain a pregnancy. Three months later we found out that we were pregnant with Noah. That was a very long first trimester.

At about 12 weeks, just as I was starting to think everything would be okay, we found out that Noah was a twin, but the other baby had gotten stuck over by my ovary (an ectopic pregnancy) and had died at about 6 weeks old. The doctors told us that they'd keep a careful eye on it with ultrasounds, but there was a chance that I'd have to have surgery to remove it, but if it were before Noah was 18 weeks, I might lose him too. Thankfully everything went as well as it possibly could have, and my body absorbed the other embryo over time, and I didn't need the surgery.

I often wonder what it would be like to have two little three-year-olds running around. What would Noah's twin have been like? Would they have been similar, or as opposite as Noah and William are?

When Noah turned one we started trying for baby number 2. That time it took 5 months. 5 really long months. After finding out I was pregnant for the 3rd time it was hard to get very excited about it. I remember going to the doctor the first time with William and having her ask me if I was excited. I told her, "If everything is going well, then yes, I'll be excited." She looked a little confused, but understood after she took my medical history. I feel guilty about the lack of excitement, but it's just not as easy to get excited about new pregnancies after what we've had to go through.

It's days like yesterday that I look at the two boys we have now and I'm particularly thankful for them. We spent what seems like a long time thinking we might not ever have them, that I'm so glad that they're there.

Happy Noah Day!

Tonight I sang Old MacDonald so many times I lost count, and ran out of animals. Well, at least animals that I knew what sound they make which is pretty important in the world of Old MacDonald. I got so desperate that we were singing about Old MacDonald having a mommy on his farm. Who knows...maybe he did? Either way, the mommy says "Love you."

Since my last post, Noah has turned the big 3! We had lots of fun on "Noah Day." He got all sorts of fun stuff- light sabers, a slide, a new fort ('cause every little boy needs a fort), an easel and a tricycle, among other things. He's still workin' on figuring out the tricycle. Right now he sits on it, and William pushes him around, which is pretty cute. Especially when they both laugh. I love it when they both laugh. Noah Day was also Lovely Jan's birthday, so we had her come over that night for steak (at Noah's request) and "ice goop cake" (ice cream cake, also at Noah's request.) She even played light sabers with him.

Noah's 3 year physical was a few days after his birthday. I know, happy birthday! Bleh. Who wants to go to the dr. for their birthday? Anyways, Noah's slightly below average height, and a little skinny butt. Shocker.

William is getting a little braver in his walking attempts. Today I saw him purposely walk to something. In the past he's kinda let go and taken a couple of steps while he's been distracted by something else. He's only 10 months so he's got time to figure out this walking thing.

William has overcome his issues with food textures. At least, the textures he was having a problem with before. He used to gag on his oatmeal, but now he doesn't have a problem with it. The kid will eat anything. I made chili the other night, and he even wanted and liked that. Could it possibly be that I lucked out and got two good eaters? Wouldn't that be nice?!

This last weekend was my birthday so we took a trip up north of Sacramento to Apple Hill. It was William's first experience in the car for longer than a few minutes. Oh boy.... He didn't do so hot. Not terrible, but not good either. It was only a 3 hour tour (ha, I crack myself up) which makes me a little nervous about flying with him to GA around Christmas. Maybe he'll be better when I'm holding him? I sure hope so.